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The ordeal started early Monday morning sometime before 4:19, which is when Tulsa police responded. The incident occurred in the 8900 block of South Will Rogers-Jim Thorpe-Barry Switzer Place East Avenue Boulevard, across the street from Steve's Shake-A-Pet (closed for renovation), just outside the QwikBank, one of Oklahoma's two chains of 24-hour full service banks. According to witnesses at the Git-N-Bank across the street, the incident was also accompanied by 2 or 3 small to medium sized tornadoes, which damaged the roofs of two neighboring businesses, Sooner 24-hour Lube-N-Brake, and Integrated E-Business Paradigm-Shifting Solutions of Oklahoma Inc., which was getting set for its grand opening Tuesday. "I think we can still move forward with our grand opening tomorrow as long as we respond in a timely fashion to this unforeseen event by diverting resources from several of our other brick-and-mortar locations to meet the demand of today's fast-paced and ever changing work place e-environment," said Zack Corrington, Managing Assistant Associate Development Associate Manager for IEBPSSOOI, "We already have three Rapid Response Teams in place. The key in a situation like this is to think outside the box." When asked what any of this had to do with the arrest of Nathan Hood, Corrington blurted out his company's web address while checking his e-mail on a cellular phone the size of a Bic lighter. Mr. Hood made national news exactly two years ago when he married Josephine Blackfoot, heiress to the OK Fireworks fortune. The wedding made headlines when Nathan convinced the Muskogee Chamber of Commerce to allow the re-commissioning of famous local fieldtrip destination, the USS Batfish, thus enabling Mr. Hood and Miss Blackfoot to become the first couple to be wed in a WWII submarine at the bottom of Lake Keystone. The reception was held on a much larger and newer submarine. When asked to comment on her husband's arrest, Mrs. Hood asked, "What's a Zamboni?" She went on to add "It's just awful for something like this to happen on our anniversary, it's just awful. What's more, today is also the birthday of our quadruplets: Juan, Tula, Tre, and Forrest. I just can't understand why he had to go and do something like this on today of all days! He knew we had dinner reservations at Frank's Country Inn!" Apparently not realizing that she was being interviewed by a newspaper, Mrs. Hood went on to ask what time she was going to be on TV. Back
at the county jail, a confused Nathan reportedly
wished his cell mates a happy St. Patrick's
Day before using his one phone call to contact
the mayor and demand the immediate release and
subsequent thawing of Han Solo.
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TULSA,
Okla., April 1, 2002 (NP) -- An Oklahoma small
business owner was arrested early this morning
after a bizarre slow speed chase involving the
man, a bank president, and a stolen Zamboni.
Nathan Hood, age 29, was booked into the Tulsa
County Jail on complaints of vehicle theft,
reckless driving, and assault with a slow moving
but deadly weapon. "This whole thing is
just one giant huge misunderstanding!"
Mr. Hood shouted redundantly as he was maced,
handcuffed and shoved into a squad car, "You
won't get away with this, you'll see! You can't
treat me this way! Don't you know who I am?
Fools! I'll [garbled] kill you all! Ha ha ha
ha ha ha!" Tulsa police chief Joe Joe Rickets
said that this was a first for him. "In
over 26 years on the force, I've never seen
anything quite so dad-gum weird," he said
while slowly rubbing his balding head, "I
guess all the lunatics aren't yet locked up
at Vinita [a nearby state-run booby hatch]"
Mr. Hood, who operates a well known towing/lawn
care/taxi business, Greencountry Towing, Mowing
& Going, has no prior criminal record, and
has never been arrested until today.